Stepping out.

I've been reading a lot of thought catalog lately (thoughtcatalog.com) and I read such a good article about never truly coming out. I found myself agreeing with the article - I believe this to be true. Sure as a gay man/woman you come out to your family when you feel comfortable but truth is, you come out almost every day. When people ask about you, when meeting new people, making new friends, when talking about your personal life, when people kindly or rudely ask if you're gay or "you're gay right?". It pretty much never ends. I guess you just can't let this bother especially if you're confident and comfortable with yourself and who you are. It's part of being gay - it comes with it and it must be hard for those who are still new to being an openly gay man or who recently came out of the closet. I'm comfortable with my sexuality but I do know that sometimes depending on who I'm with I feel a bit intimidated when that topic comes up. It sucks that straight people don't have to deal with this or won't ever know how it feels to deal with this. Just felt like jotting this down and put it out there.

Revelations.

This is a bit of a different post, it has nothing to do with what I did this week or photos I took etc. It's more just about getting my thoughts out there. I was on my break one day at work and just started jotting down ideas. This post is somewhat about the idea that people have of "finding themselves" or taking the time to find themselves. 

Let me start by saying that I think everyone is trying to find themselves. Regardless of what age they are. Growing up, getting older we learn to live as if we know what we are doing - where we need to be in life - and how we are going to get here.

I'm a planner, I plan ahead and my mind is constantly going. I swear if anyone stepped foot inside my brain they would come out completely drained - with their energy sucked right out of them. All this planning for years and days but you can't really plan your future. I mean just look at me: life brought me to moving out of my parents and living in koreatown. This wasn't necessarily planned, it sort of just "happened". It didn't happen overnight though. Sure in a way I had envisioned moving out and moving in with Victor, just maybe not as soon as it did or how it did. This isn't to say I'm unhappy, I'm actually very happy and do not regret it one bit. It just goes to show that nothing is ever truly planned. I look back to 3/4 years ago or even when I was in high school and I think wow look at where I am now. I would have never imagined my life to turn this way. Life has a funny way of switching things up. 

I think this is one thing that worries me about life. About the years to come. Where will I be 10 years from now? How will I be living? As I'm busy trying to figure out the future - I'm busy trying to figure out myself. You think "this is who I am! I am meant to be here!" But then life is like "not so fast! Here's a curb ball! Now alter your life!" I spoke to Koko about this and she had a good interesting point: "when you finally find out who you are that is when you passover".

Hopefully this year I won't worry about things like this as much because some things just shouldn't be explained. Maybe letting the chips fall where they may is best. 

I'm trying to just take deep breaths and live in the now. It's just not as easy as it sounds.